Originally Posted by
Victor
Hoss,
I don't know you. I am going to give you some advise. Take it for what it is.
Get as much of the exrta weight you carry on your frame, off your frame. It will help with the apnea which will help with the bipolar mood swings. Lack of rem sleep will jack with your mood swings and the apnea long term will give you a ton of health issues and can kill you. Carrying less un-needed weight WILL help with this.
The bipolar disorder untreated WILL get worse over time. Much worse. It will get to the point that you are going to get suicidal, manic, ultra violent, you might start abusing drugs or booze to self medicate which just make things worse.....You can not fix this on your own. Your young, there is time to treat this. Your having suicidal thoughts already. They are going to get more powerful the more time passes. Do whatever you have to do to get in to see someone and get on a treatment program. You can not treat this on your own or will yourself to be "ok". It's not a matter of a tough guy being a ***** or not a matter of "it's just BS, I can handle it". It serious. Please talk to someone.
I am the son of an early Vietnam Vet that was exposed to AO. I have a variety of physical issues from skin problems to joint problems to nerve problems. They are getting worse and more numerous every year. I have no way to prove it but I am convinced it is result of that.
I agree with the weight thing. I go to the gym now. Not only for the health benefits, but for the mental health benefits. When i get angry, and i feel like i'm a huge balloon about to explode freakin' fire, running on the tread mill, or doing some kind of free-weight work outs definately help.
I'm already abusing booze. Don't mess with drugs. I drink every day, in a sad attempt to control the crazy. But i can see it's doing nothing, and that it's only making it worse. It's actually the reason i'm in legal trouble. Hell i'll tell yall, i have no shame.
I got drunk a month ago, and decided that i'm going to be angry. Well, i got angry, that i couldn't stop myself from being angry (gotta love booze). So i took it out on an ex-friend of mine. He and i had a huge falling out a while back, lots of bruised ego's over the situation. I would hear things from all of my other friends, but he would never bring it too me personally. I knocked on his door at about midnight, he came to the door, i swung, he slammed the door. So i went out to his truck and punched out his side view mirror, then the other, then broke off his antenna. Drove home. Cops were there waiting for me when i showed up. (Pretty small town, all the locals know each other, and the cops know all the locals, pretty easy to figure out where we live). LUCKILY, i hold my drunk pretty well. As in, other people don't notice it as much. The ex-friend didn't know i was drunk, and i ate a sandwhich on the way home, figuring the cops would show up. Sandwhich, a portable bottle of mouth wash, and a dip of copenhagen will cover up alot of alcohol smell. They issued me with a misdemeanor ticket. They didn't arrest me, simply because i'm friendly with alot of the local cops. They know me well, and my father well. Guess you could say it was because they had pity for me. But my charges are misdemeanor malicious injury to property, misdemeanor attempted assault. I have no lawyer, i'll own up to what i did. I'll take my consequences like a man. It was a huge wake up call for me. Since then i've stopped drinking 9, 8% alcohol sparks a day. I'm down to only 1. That's just to ease my stomach. I'm making slow process. The fact that i'm even doing this on here says something. I do agree that i cannot control the crazy on my own. After Christmas, i will be seeking professional help.
As for the AO passing down to you as well. Their are groups online for people like us. I'm not a member of them because, once again, i don't want to be the "oh, look, i'm screwed up too, give me attention" guy. But their is a movement for us. It's all a matter of time.
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