Originally Posted by
slaghunter
Hoss,
I can only share about my life. I hope it will help you. A couple of years ago when my depression was at its worse I ended up in the hospital. To be perfectly clear this was the type of hospital that they lock the doors behind you. I spent a little more than a week in there and learned some really cool things. #1 there are people that can and will help me get better. Believe it or not I thought that things were so bad that they could not possibly get better. I was wrong. #2 Depression and other mental illnesses can sometimes be managed without medication - sometimes they cannot. I have been on medication ever since then. I may die on them. I also have high blood pressure. A physical illness. sometimes it can be managed without medication - sometimes it cannot. I am currently on medication for that. I will probably die on it. To me there is no difference. For what ever reason my body does not control things that others do - so for me medication does it for me.
I also have sleep apnea. I now have a breathing machine. Life is much better for me. it is a terrible spiral. I get depressed - don't sleep well -deeper depression and on and on. I would suggest you go to your local hospital or county health services. They should be able to point you in the right direction. Most places have really good mental heath services for those without health insurance. The biggest step for me was to get over my own pride. That is what kept me from the "head doctors". At first it was hard for me to use words like mental illness and mental heath.
I encourage you to at least investigate the medical side of the problem. Tell the docs how you feel about the medication. See what kind of a solution you can come up with. I can assure you that there is a better way to live than trying to work with the crazy.
You get it. Honestly "pride" is a huge problem for me (really? ME? prideful!??!) When it comes to my brain and what it tells me to do and not do, feel and not feel. Constantly the roller coaster of "eff it, i'm not screwed up, i'm over it" or "i'm worthless, mentally screwed, done". I'm just about over trying to control the crazy. Time for some help.
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