My craigslist ad

My first Craigslist ad for metal removal. How did I do? Should I change anything? Any help would be wonderful.

Quote:

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Free removal of old electronics, metal and Appliances (OKC metro )
I am not just another junker. I am a family man trying to provide for my wife and 4 year old daughter.I promise the following #1 I will not come up on your property unless I get permission. #2 I will not make a mess. If you have for example a TV that you have out I will not take what I want from it and leave the housing in your yard I will haul it off . I will not disassemble something on your property unless the whole item is going with me. I am new to junking because I have not been able to work for the past 1 1/2 years. I will not lie to you I do get money for the items I haul off. Now if you think I will make a lot of money off your unwanted items that is not the case. For example I only get $.09 that's right 9 cent per pound. And that is not a lot of money. But I would rather do this than to sit around and have people pay for everything . I would rather work. So if you have anything metal ( fences, sheds, pipe etc. ) , old electronics ( TVs, stereos, out dated computers etc. ) or appliances ( stoves, washers, dryers, freezers, etc. ) please contact me either through this posting or call

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You went into some mad detail, from one point of view that would be good, but from the other that would be bad. But honesty is what counts. If I was a home owner and had some scrap to have taken away, I wouldn't have the guy with the ad that can't even spell his own name pick up my metal. So you have a good base to go off of and you will know to add stuff in the future or remove stuff.

Its a good start but, I would try to make it a lot shorter and simpler. I wouldnt try to sell my service by telling about my personal life rather I would try to sell my professionalism.

It's a bit too much text. Just try to have the most important points for example:

-Quick service
-On time
-Easy to work with

We pick up:
-Metal
-E-waste
-Appliances
-etc

Hope that help.

Good ad actually. Write one, rewrite it, rewrite it again, and again, you'll find the key ; ) I usually write one and then proceed to adjust, until it starts getting hits, from there i just polish it now and then

Too long and complex. Most people will quit reading after one or two sentences. Keep it short.
Unfortunately although you seem sincere people really do not care about your life. They are looking for a service. Tell them you have it.
Examples are a waste of time.
If they give you a shot they do not care what you are doing with it as long as their problem is gone.
Try to show them what is in it for them.

Example:
Concept Recyclers
"Our mission is to recycle 100% of your unwanted items."
Give us a call XXX-XXX-XXXX you will be glad you did.

Always play it from the angle of what you can do for them.

Good Luck and may the best be with you.

I dont like posting onCL because scrap metal ads always get flagged:(

Have not had time to revise my ad but I did get a call. Sad to say I was already locked into something ( helping a friend pack up so he could move ) .Was told he would hold the stuff he had desks, scrap metal and from my understanding a lot of escrap. Well I called and I guess he could not hold it after all. But at least I got my first call.