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  1. #121
    hobo finds started this thread.
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    Running goat joke



    Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.

    "Wow...that looks deep."

    "Sure does, toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

    They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise

    "Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."

    They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.

    They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."



    The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

    Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them,running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.

    The two men are astonished with what they've just seen... Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.

    "Hey... you two guys seen my goat out here?"

    "You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"

    "Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie."

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  3. #122
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    Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
    Money is not the root of all evil, the love of money is.

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  5. #123
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    A cowboy walks into a crowded saloon and says "I have a fully loaded 45 it's for the sum***** who's sleeping with my wife". A voice in back of the room hollers "you gonna need a lot more bullets".

  6. #124
    hobo finds started this thread.
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    There was this farmer walking to his mailbox one day, and he noticed a white hearse coming up the road, and behind the hearse was a man walking with a brown goat, and behind them followed about 20 people.
    The next day, the farmer was going after his mail again, and he looked up and saw the same hearse, the same man, the same goat, and about 75 people walking behind the hearse. The farmer's curiosity got the best of him. So he walked up to the man with the goat and asked, "I saw you yesturday about the same time as today, do you mind telling me what's happening?"
    The man behind the hearse explained that his wife died, and the farmer said "Oh I'm so sorry! What happened?"
    The man with the goat replied that the goat had killed her. The farmer said, "If you buried your wife yesterday, who's in the hearse today? The man with the goat replied, "My mother-in-law." The farmer thought a minute and asked the man with the goat, "Can I borrow your goat?" and he replied, "You'll have to get in line with the rest of these people."

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  8. #125
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    "In one day Trump got more fat women out walking than Michelle Obama did in 8 years."

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  10. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by hobo finds View Post
    "In one day Trump got more fat women out walking than Michelle Obama did in 8 years."
    I'll comment on the other side.

  11. #127
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  13. #128
    hobo finds started this thread.
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    The Atlanta Falcons won the popular vote.

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  15. #129
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    Stan Borenson the famous accordion player and comedian passed away last month and this was his last joke, you have to say it with a Svedish accent

    So Lena calls up the newspaper and asks for obituaries.

    "Hello this is obituaries can we help you?"

    Lena says yes I'd like to take out an obituary

    the newspaper man asks "what would you like it to say?

    Lena says "I'd like it to say "Ollie died"

    The newspaper man said is that all?

    Lena said Well he did die.

    The newspaper man said we have a special you can get five words for the price of two, is there anything else you'd like to say?

    Lena said Ya sure let's say "Ollie died boat for sale"

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  17. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by hobo finds View Post
    The Atlanta Falcons won the popular vote.
    Name:  C4FXJWeUoAAVuBl.jpg:large.jpeg
Views: 458
Size:  63.2 KB

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  19. #131
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    so funny .. i like this

  20. #132
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    A young guy from Idaho moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

    The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

    The kid says, "Yeah. I was a door to door vacuum salesman back in Idaho."

    Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

    "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

    After the first day on the job, the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

    "How many customers bought something from you today?"

    The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

    The boss says ,"Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

    "That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Idaho, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

    The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

    The kid looks up at his boss and says, "$101,237.65."

    The boss, astonished, says, $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

    The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

    The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"

    The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing!"

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  22. #133
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    nice jokes thanks to everyone to share these post.

  23. #134
    hobo finds started this thread.
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  25. #135
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    I just want to share a compilation of jokes...

    100 funny jokes by 100 comedians - Comedy

  26. #136
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    A husband and wife had some Venison they were going to make for dinner, but were afraid to tell their young children what they were eating. As the kids were eating one asked dad what it was, dad said I’ll give you a hint “it’s what mommy calls me sometimes.” The young daughter yells “spit it out its *******!”

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  28. #137
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    Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon can we have sex?"

    He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes"

  29. #138
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    A guy invents a helmet to translate what a dog is saying when it barks. He calculates and tinkers for months and finally has a working model. He puts it on and waits for the dog to bark. He is rewarded shorty when a cat walks through the yard and the dog vigorously starts to bark and he hears, "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!"

  30. #139
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    A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
    Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

    Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

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  32. #140
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    It's good to ready funny jokes. It brightens up the day.


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