Joke of the day - Page 3

Two men are sitting at a table in a bar. They observe a man sitting at the bar and he is totally wasted. He is half laying on the bar passed out. One man says to the other,

"We should do the right thing and take that guy home. He's wrecked."

"Let's stand him up and take his wallet out of his pocket and if see if there's an address."

They stand him up and he promptly falls down to the floor. They stand him up again and down he goes. Finally, one man holds him while the other man searches for his wallet. He retrieves it, reads the address on his I.D. and then puts his wallet back in his pocket. They carry the drunk out to the parking lot and as they are opening the door, they let go of the man and he collapses to the ground. Finally they arrive at the man's address and take him out of the car. They get the drunk to the front door. They momentarily let go of him and he promptly falls to the floor. They pick him up, and ring the door bell. A woman answers the door. One man says,

"Lady, your husband was in this bar and he got so drunk we decided to bring him home so he wouldn't get in any trouble."

She says,

"Where's his wheel chair?"

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

Originally Posted by hobo finds

Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

Oh man, I told that joke in the break room at work one day. I'm surprised I didn't end up in HR.

What's the difference between a lazy scrapper and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

Originally Posted by jimicrk

What's the difference between a Harley rider and a vacuum cleaner.

A vacuum cleaner will only hold 1 dirt bag.

No offense to any Harley riders out there.

My BIL was a Harley rider and had 4 of his friends over one day, the same day I went over to his house to visit.

Rough looking bunch sitting around telling jokes, drinking and they decided for some reason to start picking on me.

They were making fun or my uniform so I told that same joke. No sense of humor whatsoever.

I hope you didn't ride over to the BIL on a rice burner.

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.

A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

"Fishing," replied the old man.

"Poor old fool" thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked, "And how many have you caught today?"

"You're the eighth."

A bit like if you stand and stare off into the air or such that others will stop and do the same and the more people around the more that will collect as some leave after realizing that there is nothing to see as they must of just missed it or such. The invisible mute kitty stuck in a invisible tree,lol...

how does Moses make tea? ....Hebrews it

Originally Posted by pjost

Surely Jew can't be serious.

hasidim do it

A cannibal passed a man in the woods.